Not weird, cause weird would be a good thing..but so many people are crazy on this site. Going into people’s blogs and anonymously writing hurtful things..I’m so tired of seeing that on my dash. Why can’t people just be nice? What’s wrong with being nice for a damn change? I don’t understand what people get out of hurting others. Oh yah, you’re so mighty cool just sitting in your room, on your chair, and hurting others without being recognized. If you’re so damn “cool” say it without anon on, come on, do it! God damn, it’s the fucking 21st century and people are still bigots and assholes. There’s already so much to worry about in this damn World, there isn’t time to dwell on cowards who have a thrill hurting others. I hate the phrase that I am about to use, but it has to be done “Get a fucking life”.

     Like I said last night, I seriously can’t watch the news. I hate everything that is shown. There is never a night where all they show are just happiness and joy. Every single night we learn about a new accident, shootings, murder, child abuse, government fraud, close-minded bigots, child abductors. I just don’t understand why there is no peace and love? Is it really that hard? Have humans really lost their minds? I mean, I was just reading articles on Sierra Lamar, the young girl that was kidnapped and supposedly murdered. Why? What do people get out of committing these acts? So many questions that will never be answered…or that will never have a solution. I don’t understand why gay marriage is not being passed? I mean, sure some people don’t believe in it…but you can’t make something that’s a moral question into a law question. Some people don’t like pizza, why doesn’t the government just ban it then? I just don’t think people have common sense. Humans have to much pride to actually say, “I guess I was wrong and you were right”. I just want to turn on the news and see people smiling. Let the news be about weather, sports, accomplishments, smiles. I know this is reality…but we still can change it. We can wipe out homophobia, racism. We can stop child abuse. We can stop children being abducting and being murdrered. We can stop all that and more, we need to just try. We all just need to learn to love. Because that is the most beautiful thing that happens between living beings. Let’s change.

“I wish that we only saw good news every time we look at CNN”-Twista

     It’s been awhile. But nothing has changed! I don’t have much to say. Same ole’ same ole’. Constantly missing my best friends, scrolling on tumblr, school, etc. Out of all that, school has been such a…well I don’t want to say hassle, but it’s been pretty difficult. In the beginning of the semester, I thought that I was about to change my major to film from biology..but I didn’t. I still want to though, I do, but of course my ma isn’t that for it. She isn’t against it per se, but she says that being a film producer is not a stable job. Which I actually do agree with. I don’t mind being a vet, I really don’t. I guess chemistry has just taken a toll on me. I can’t wait until biology classes, I am so over chemistry. I would rather cut open a frog and learn about its organs than to mix chemicals and find the concentration of them. But hey, I got to keep on trucking it on until my life is stable. I can’t give up. It’s worth it, at the end it is worth it. This is my future, I can’t be an idiot about and just not study or just give up. I have to do my best…I mean…freakin’ Glee isn’t gonna give me money. I need to study instead of looking at spoilers for the next episode. But it’s funny, it’s funny that chemistry is the only darn class that I am having trouble with..but not going to lie, the last test went pretty well. Reason for that: I studied. I’ve always been that kid that never studied but always got As, I guess I let that get to me. I thought I would always just get away with it without studying, but college changed that. I’m not saying I’m getting Cs, but I still don’t like Bs, I hate them. I’m not cocky at all, I’m actually insecure, but I know that I am smart. Things come to me easily…but I’ve met my match, and that’s chemistry. Which I swear was so darn easy in high school. Hmmp, well moving on…
     Belgium, Paris, and maybe Barcelona this summer. I can’t wait. Tickets are bought, stopping at London when going to Brussels, then stopping at New York when coming back to Los Angeles. Speaking of New York, oh hi Jenn, hey there lady. Hopefully my best friends, my cousin, and I will be at Times Square during New Year’s Eve. Jenn promised that she will be our tour guide; lady better keep her promise. hehe. But really though, I am so excited for everything. Knock on wood, I don’t want to jinx anything. 
     I miss Matt, I miss him so much. Till this day, until the end of time, I will never understand why he was taken away from us. I love you baby boy. You are still and forever in my heart. I think about you everyday, and I will visit you soon baby. I hope you are doing well, wherever you are. And I hope you are smiling down on my. I recently had a dream of you. I was driving to your grave with Darren, but then all of a sudden Darren turned into you. And I remember in my dream that I thought, “How weird, I am going to see Matt with Matt”. I thought I would be scared to see you next to me, but I was extremely calm. Someone told me that you not scaring me means that you were a protector to me when you were alive, which is true. I’m smiling for you Mattsickles, and loving you ‘till the end.
     I believe that’s it for today. There’s really not much to say, because seriously it’s the same ole’. But this Thursday I will see my babies; I can’t wait to see you guys. So ending this on a good note, buhh byeee.

I would do anything to see a couple faces right now. I miss them immensely. They are my life and my heart. I live through them. I really do. It’s just such a weight lifted on my shoulder than I don’t have to care and give time to the “baggage” people. Don’t take it the wrong way, I would never trade away the experiences with anyone…but most of the people from our past are just that…people. People, for that period of your life. So now, I can focus on the ones that matter, whom will be stuck with me ‘till the end. Babies, I love you guys dearly, and I can’t wait to see your beautiful faces so I can kiss every inch of your faces.

..so I guess it’s rant time. Strange thing is, I have no idea what to say..I’ll just start with people. Yes, people. Every single year that passes by, more familiar faces become distant, while some faces become an everyday occurrence for just a portion of a school year. As I look back on the people that I don’t talk to, I truly have no regrets. I don’t have the need to have closure with them, or even just a simple “I hope you have a great life, truly, I hope you do”. You don’t plan to “leave” people. You say goodbye for the day, thinking you’ll see them tomorrow, but tomorrow becomes the next day, and you don’t see them..then days after that, weeks, months, and finally years. I’ll always have memories of them, always. They were a part of my life, my childhood, and who am I to deprive myself of memories from my own childhood? Everything around us is constantly changing, and yah…I don’t like change as much as the next person, but I can’t do anything about it. I just have to puff my chest out, hold my head up high, and keep on strutting. My mom reminded me of so many things about my childhood today. She talked about “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”, “Boy Meets World”, “Sailor Moon”, and just a bunch of shows and other things. It’s just crazy that those days are gone…yesterday is gone, Christmas 2011 will never be repeated. Isn’t that just mind-blowing? Time is fantastic…it’s a killer aspect of life. Even though, I personally do not think that “time” truly exists, it’s just part of our imagination. Our own made up concept. Whatever it is, something does pass though. And every moment is brand new. Life is just crazy. So many things can happen in a lifetime. Yes life is short, but it is also the longest thing you will have in your…well in your life. 
     Maybe I should talk about this past year, I don’t really know what to think of it. This past year is sort of jumbled up with 2010 for me. I feel as though they were both equally the same, connected. School was school, I excelled and I dissapointed. I met a couple wonderful people, and continued losing others. But now that I think of it, I didn’t lose them, I just never had them…and that’s why I’m not sad. I’m content with everything, I really am. I don’t want to jinx anything *knock on wood*, but I’m happy. I mean, what can I truly be sad about? I have my family, I have my beautiful best friends, I have my interests, I go to school, I maintain my grades, I get to eat food, I get to sleep in a comfy bed at night…what else can I ask for? Yah, there are always things that I wish I can change, but they don’t really dampen my mood anymore. I have let go of being sad for such a long time. I don’t dwell on anything anymore..unless it’s Glee (damn that show). But really, I just let things happen, I don’t try to talk people out of things, even if I want to. I let them be, because if they don’t do it for themselves…who am I for them to do it for me? I’m nobody. I am somebody just to me. But I will seat here and pray that I stay this content for many years to come, because it is such a good feeling.
     I am out of things to say, but I hope for another year of contentment. I don’t wish for extravagant changes, I don’t. Just let me be content, that’s all I ask for. To all you out there, I hope you had a good year as well and I hope that continues, because you all deserve the best. Keep on living, keep on being good hearted…this World truly needs that. Keep on being good to your moms, because truly…they love us unlike anyone else. Don’t let the true friends slip away, but if some do slip away even with you holding onto them, then it’s not in their destiny to be your life long friend. Be happy, that’s all I ask of you.

     Honest to God, I don’t know why I decided to become a doctor. Ever since I was a child, my ultimate dream was to become an astronomer. The whole subject is so fascinating to me. Knowing that all the stars that we see tonight or tomorrow tonight, they are all dead, it’s just that stars are so far away that it takes years for their light to reach the Earth. So damn fascinating. Black holes, extraterrestrial creatures, Jupiter, stars that are millions times bigger than our own sun, the endless space in the universe, everything is just…wow. I know why I am trying to be a doctor, because of the money; astronomers don’t make as much as doctors. But then again, because I love money so much, might as well be stupid like the Kardashians, who make more than doctors. Hmmp, I shouldn’t stray away from the topic on hand, but yah…astronomy was and forever will be my love.

     It was my best friend’s birthday so we went to see Axwell at the Hollywood Palladium. We were waiting in line when I looked at a guy passing by me. I said to myself “Wow he is hot….wait I know him, it’s freaking Michael Trevino”. Then I looked at the girl he was with and died, it was Jenna. Turned to my two best friends and freaked out. But by the time I turned back, they were gone. Once inside the venue, one of my best friends and I were next to the entrance, waiting for our other friend to come so we can give him his ticket. While waiting, I saw Jenna and Michael again, I poked my friend so she can turn around. We didn’t ask for their pictures because we knew they would want to be normal for a day. But my friend did approach them first, she told them (my friend is a HUGE Vampire Diaries and Glee fan, while I am just a hardcore Glee maniac) she loved them. I could see that Michael didn’t want to be recognized but he was sweet about it. My friend asked them for a hug and they obliged. I then stepped forward and called Jenna’s name and showed her my bracelet. I was wearing my Glee 3d movie bracelet. My friend told Jenna that I was a true hardcore fan. Jenna looked at me and said “thank you so much, I really appreciate it”. I just smiled and asked for a quick hug, she gave me one. She is such a sweetheart; I can see that she truly loves her fans. I wanted to tell her that she is so underrated and that she is a fantastic singer and should get more solos, but I was starstruck. She was so beautiful. Thank you Jenna.

I’ve seen far too many posts from people whom I follow, that are directing their followers to the tumblrs of people who are planning to commit suicide. Please, to those of you who feel the need to leave…that is not the answer. That should not even be an option. And no one can tell me “You don’t know what you are saying, because you don’t know how I feel.” But yes I do, I do so much. I have been through it so many times, where I had the want to not live anymore because not everything was going my way. But I swear to you, it all gets better. Everyday is new a start. Every moment is a new start. But how can you start new when you are not even here? How can you? Please just, think about it. Family life may not be what you want it to be, friends may put you down, but you can forget all that, you can grow up and leave all those people behind, you can make a name for your self, and protect yourself from people who put you down. And to so many tumblr users that get attacked from anonymous people, just turn anon off. Do it, go now and do it. You have that power, you can prevent yourself from being the victim of cyber bullying. Do it now. Don’t wait until the moment where you have had enough and you can’t handle it. Most people say “No, I can’t turn it off because it will seem that I lost.” Lost what? There is nothing to lose or win. At the end of it, you will be the bigger person and protect yourself. These are faceless people who don’t even deserve your time. You all will be better off just turning anonymous ask off. Every single one of you deserve to live. Life is so short, don’t make it shorter than it already is. Please.

And to all you bullies, fuck all of you. Fuck your need to bring people down. So many people have died from all your words, all your actions. Some may not go through with suicide, but so many do. How can you live with yourself? How can you just throw it in a person’s face that they are ugly, or they are a sin because they are gay? How can you put them down because they are a nerd, because they may be a little different than you? Fuck you because you are no better. I’m probably being the bully by throwing out this profanity, but I don’t know what else to say. We can’t have fourteen year olds killing themselves because they have had it with being picked on. Please just stop.

Be strong, just be strong…every thing will be okay. Just be you, because that’s all that matters.

     How come things change? How come they don’t stay the same? How come situations occur when you don’t want them too? How come families don’t get along? How come some friends leave? How come people die? How come happiness can’t last more than one day? How come sadness can come in a blink of an eye and then leave at the same rate? How come school can never be one’s main concentration? How come work is a drag? How come innocence can go away so quickly? How come I can’t relive the wonderful past memories?

     Because we grow up. Because we meet new people, new situations arise, and we move on. Because not everything goes our way. Because the love between some families dies out, or never was there from the beginning. Because in each chapter of your life, new friends arrive and others leave; unless that special friend that stays until ‘el fin’. Because that’s what happens when you live the amount you had to live. Because sadness can be easily triggered and if in the right state of mind, easily forgotten. Because we feel as though everything can come easy to us. Because once again, we believe everything can come easy to us. Because innocence can’t last forever, unless your heart and your mind are forever innocent. Because the past is the past, the present is the present, and the future will be the future.

     It’d hard living in a world where you believe people are better than you, prettier than you, etc. It’s hard not knowing if you will succeed in the future, be able to take care of your mom and repay her; it’s hard not knowing what will happen tomorrow, in the next hour, in the next five minutes. But you know what? I just want to be happy, ‘I want to live while I’m still alive’. I want everyone to be proud of me. I want my mom to be happy, my best friends to laugh, and everyone else to smile. I want to get to where I want to get to. I want to be successful, I want to be rich, I want to travel the world. I want to see culture, life, art, love. I want a big family, I want acceptance, I want life. 

     It’s time to work hard, to cry but to smile right after. It’s time to laugh but to make sure that your laughter does not block reality away. Be happy but know your surroundings, know your limits, know the ones who are true to you. Know fun, know school, know work, know friends, know family, know life, but most importantly, know and respect yourself. Keep yourself healthy, keep yourself happy, keep yourself ready for anything; because this world is unexpected.

     Remember your past, live your present, and always try to manage your future; because those three together is what makes your life and without all three…well then, it’s not life. And that’s that.

‘El Fin’